Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in LCD's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, December 5th, 2009
2:40 pm	Youtube I am tired of the "advertisements" on Youtube before your video starts... I understand they need to make their money, but a 15 second ad...that I have seen a hundred times already. I am still not going to get an American Express card...sorry. And it goes every few videos...but recently, it seems like it plays an ad before every video...kangaroo, mate. I like certain music...own a couple cd's (back when cd's were new technology)...and someday I will probably leap to the next technology, once it is old and antiquated. But, I enjoy actually seeing the videos that go along with the songs...because once upon a time, MTV actually played music videos (at reasonable hours). I wish the ads were much more brief..."this youtube video brought to you by (advertiser)"... "this youtube video brought to you by...mentos, the freshmaker..." Seriously, 3 to 5 seconds, and then boom...into the video. Not this 15 to 16 second crap. (Comment on this)
Monday, November 30th, 2009
6:09 pm	Fantasy Football You think I would be doing better than 4th place...I had all the right players. I even managed to make a few trades... How often do you negotiate a trade that upgrades both teams involved? I upgraded at QB (I got Schaub), and I had to give a RB Johnson from the Titans. Yeah, he is having a monster year at running back...but I was plenty loaded on the bench at the time...so much so, that I traded away another running back in a second trade, which I landed TE Clark. The yahoo "cant cut" list is 32 players long...of which, I currently have 7. I have some issues with the "cant cut" list in general. Seriously, M. Lynch was on the list for how many weeks?! You know how many leagues I had to cut GOOD players to make space, when I seriously wanted to get rid of Lynch. I am in several leagues, so I have a couple examples... but, then you see that Schaub isn't even on the list. Hello...we are fast approaching the end of the season, and he still is statistically ahead of how many other quarterbacks that are "big names"... Seriously, stop basing the "cant cut" list off of how many sneakers a player can get people to buy! This is why I prefer leagues that don't use the "cant cut" list... (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 29th, 2009
2:34 pm	Tiger Woods and then babbling about Husker football Tiger Woods got into an injury accident. There is a lot of speculation about this and that...but I don't care about that. What I care about is that the police have to investigate injury accidents, which includes obtaining statements from those involved. I understand a person might have been injured and unable to be interviewed immediately, or they may want consult legal counsel before making statements. And the police were rescheduled through the lawyer, which is fine. However, the media reported that Woods has cancelled the latest meeting and not rescheduled. HELLO!!! That is not optional. Not that I care too much about the details, other than the fact that I am glad he is ok and recovering. But I do care about people not letting the police do their job. Now...on to a run down on the Husker season... We had a good season. We are 9-3. We had a close loss (15 to 16) to a good Virginia Tech (9-3). We were ahead in the final minute of that game, and I really wish we could have pulled that one out. We got beat soundly by a good Texas Tech (8-4). We had a weird fluke loss (7 to 9) to Iowa State (6-6). We had 8 turnovers. We probably should have scored about four more touchdowns that game, but we kept fumbling right at the goalline. Our defense was incrediable this year. Texas Tech put up 31 points. Colorado put up 20 points in the last game of the season (one meaningless touchdown came on a last second hail mary). All the other opponents were held to 17 or less. We had one shutout. We held three opponents to 3 points. We held six opponents under 10 points. We rank third nationally in scoring defense, allowing 11.08 points per game. Suh and Crick were dominant on the defensive line, and Suh is getting some attention in the Heisman balloting (although, I think he might come in fourth in the voting...we'll see). We are ranked #21. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 8th, 2009
5:44 pm	Poor poor Geisy Arruda. I saw the video of her being escorted out, and watched a couple of the broadcasts...and that dress was not that short. Of course...this happened on October 22...and it finally makes news up here? Slow news day today? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
12:57 pm	I purchased a heat pump some time back...and, I just love paying the "lower" rate for electricity. The lower rate is like 25% less. I am still keeping tabs of the energy savings, because some winters are colder than others, and some summers are hotter than others... However, the gas bill has not been outrageously high during the winter months. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 1st, 2009
1:45 am	I had a job that I applied for recently. I am well qualified for the position I was going to follow-up with a phone call, just to check on the application status...and before doing that, I checked my email. Yup...a rejection e-mail. I have not seen a rejection letter of any sort say "thank you" as often... It was the standard, "we had many strong applicants", "you have a great resume", "you are so cool...but sorry"... I did not expect to GET the job...but I expected that I would at least land an interview. (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 24th, 2009
5:20 pm	This happened not last night, but the night before... I went to Hy-Vee, and I got flirted with. Seriously...I was buying paper plates, and this gal that was shopping struck up a conversation with me, and went down the aisle, came back to talk more, walked away...and came back again. And I wasn't aware that I was being flirted with...at least not at the time. I should have gotten a number, so I would have had proof. Then yesterday, I was at the vet...and this gal was flirting with me, said our dogs seem to 'like' each other...maybe a play date? Well...even though I'm too stupid to realize when I'm getting flirted with, at least I got an ego boost out of the deal. (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 11th, 2009
10:05 pm	The wife was gone over the weekend. So when she got back home...I feel alone? How does that work? I have been keeping busy, going through random boxes...tossing out whatever junk needs to be tossed out. I swear it has multiplied. Of course, there were some really interesting little items that I have found...photos from events that I barely remember... Sometimes I wonder why I held onto certain things. I think I know why I am feeling down about it... I find these scraps of paper which represent a fun time in my life...and those scraps of paper have gone on and are out somewhere else in the world. When I graduated from college, all my friends took off in different directions. I always wanted to bring the band back together. (Comment on this)
Friday, October 9th, 2009
11:59 pm	For whatever reason...I am disoriented. What is today? I blame the new schedule at work. I have a little time off now... and I have a few "to do" things...I think I might just zone out for the next couple days though. And "online"...has remained weird, or frustrating... Current Music: Blümchen: Blaue Augen (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 7th, 2009
10:10 pm	Apparently I have the STRESS... Every affliction that comes my way...seems to be caused or made worse by the STRESS... I stay so even and level on the outside...but underneath, it just bubbles... I completely and totally dismiss from my consciousness, any and all disturbing thoughts...effectively isolating my brain from the world. I feel more awake when I am asleep, and I feel more asleep than when I am awake. Dreams are pleasing, and being awake is not bad...because I have dismissed all that is bad from my consciousness... I sometimes distract my mind with other things to think about...look brain, there is something shiny over there. And then I sometimes focus my energy on something more productive...like cleaning out some of these darn boxes, sudoku (is that productive?), and um...tons of things. So maybe all the distractions aren't necessarily bad...I do a lot of writing and researching. Of all the things I avoid...I think I am only really avoiding thinking about three things. 1 MONEY 2 WIFE I am not sure if that is because she spends money. Heck, there are other things that are stressing me out...or that I'm avoiding thinking about. Like the months of JUNE and JULY... (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 1st, 2009
1:50 pm	I can't even begin to explain how creative the work schedule has gotten for me... Current Music: Primus: Jerry Was A Race Car Driver (Comment on this)
Friday, September 25th, 2009
8:51 pm	I was reading someone else's journal...they had a comment about going out with the girls, and talking about number of partners... And this gal said something about having been with about "40"...but only 10 since she's been married. You know, I still find humor in that. I could provide a social commentary, but my mind is moving like sludge at the moment. You know, the slow moving sludge, as opposed to the fast moving sludge. Well, the same stuff is stressing me out, and now I got new stuff stressing me out. Just when I didn't think my heart could feel any heavier... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009
1:42 pm	Well, I have been keeping the shredder busy...once it starts smoking, that's bad, right? The clutter has been driving me nuts. So I am destroying what needs destroyed, tossing out what needs to be thrown away, and hey...the free day at the city dump is approaching, so look out garage. July was a horrible month...and August just sort of disappeared. Amy has had super high blood pressure...she takes naps, and I sometimes come along to poke her just to make sure she's still alive. I "broke up" with a friend...apparently. I mean, the years have seen fluctuations in how much time we spend with each other, or talk to one another... This friend ended up once again calling me a "weirdo"...which, who cares what I get called. But what hurt was this is a person that I have shared a lot of myself, and emotionally invested in over the years, and has always been ok with me being me...as I have been very accepting of her being her... Just frustrates me, because the rejection makes you feel like you can't let anyone get to know you too well. Then it makes you self-doubt... (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 30th, 2009
10:01 am	The bad events of June were followed up with even worse events in July. The whole "not being a dad", the wife's baby maker getting yanked out, on medical leave from her job only to find out her job is going to be eliminated, her returning to work and having trouble securing another position...and then her father died rather unexpectedly. I actually became fairly close to him, so I not only lost a father-in-law, but I lost a pretty good friend. This whole dark mood that I have been in...well, it has been tempered by the loving, caring and support shown to us by so many people. My mind has been shut down for a couple months now, so I feel rather numb...but I find that whenever I try to think about something, my mind wanders terribly and just can not focus. Even my job has not been able to provide the usual distraction from reality... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 13th, 2009
4:36 pm	It has been over a month, and I am in a really dark place. Personally, it works better this way...especially when everyone tends to run and hide. (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 14th, 2009
9:42 pm	Perhaps I should be less cryptic... Amy and I were going to take one more shot at becomming parents... Due to the circumstances, we had to rely on a fertility specialist to help out, and as you know...that is expensive, and not covered by insurance. We were trying to save up money for this last run at it, but "saving money" isn't very easy when both parties can't agree to cut lifestyle choices for long-term goals... but, we have been lucky because in the past, her parents helped subsidized previous attempts. This last time, I hit up my parents for helping out...well, "mom figured dad would talk to me", and "dad figured mom would talk to me"...typical. So, as it drew very close (or past due, actually)...I said, "hey? any help?" Not that I expected them to assist, but I at least expected a YES or NO answer. They are focusing their efforts on my sisters wedding, and I would have understood...but, I still wanted an answer. So, I was looking at creative funding alternatives to the deal... Turns out, Amy couldn't try...too broken on the inside. She had to have a hysterechomy instead. So, I'll never be a father. I'll never procreate. I have not handled this well. Although, I have definatelly taken my "I dont give a damn" attitude to epic proportions. This has been compounded by a possible future financial crisis... Last fall, Amy had been told her employer was going in a different direction with a program, and that her particular position may be phased out. So, she was directed to apply for one of these other "positions"... She got one of those other positions, and they phased out the position that she left. Everything seemed to be going well... So, one of the projects her employer does is a subcontracted state deal...and the Governor finally signed the state budget, and ...surprise, there was a cut, or lowering of funding, or something... Long story short, while Amy is on FMLA leave, she is informed that her position has been cut. (You may think that this can not be done on FMLA)...but, INDIVIDUALS are protected from DISCRIMINATION based on medical leave, and entitled to an "equivelent" position... But, this cut basically eliminated her (and her co-workers) positions, so had she actually been working during this time, she, along with the others, would be cut. So, technically FMLA allows for people to be cut in these events. (actually, I think she might return to work for a total of four days, so four days after returning from her FMLA, then the position gets cut) While her friends get to apply for jobs within the company, and with other companies...she is home recovering. There are few positions available with the company, the most desirable position is $3 less per hour...and for the one position, there were 50 plus people that applied for it. If you consider my wages and her wages...if she took a position that pays $3/hour less than she currently makes...that's 10% of our household budget...and as you all know, we don't have a lot in the way of "fat" to trim from the budget. I am salaried...so, it isn't like I can work more hours. In fact, I work so much there already, I'm not sure I could find a second job that could accommodate my schedule with my primary employment. Businesses in town have cut positions, or closed, or have hiring freezes...and, I had been putting off a medical procedure, and I am not sure why....I probably should have had it done sooner, because I'd like to make sure that I don't have cancer. There are probably a few more details to the story... but I usually leave a thing or two out. I do a generally do a good job of not letting stressful things bother me. However, I have tried to keep my mind busy by thinking about other things...but, I always find my mind wandering back to it, so I tried the opposite which was avoiding thinking. I find myself finding little things to get distracted by... A couple days ago, I spent about an hour watching the branches of the Silver Maple sway in the breeze. I watched one Bee in particular today for about 10 minutes (they like my flowers I have growing in the yard). I even watched the cat take a nap the other day to see how long it would take before he rolled over. So, these are the heavy things that have been weighing on my mind lately. (just to name a few) (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 11th, 2009
9:59 pm	I have been in a major funk. I feel like I haven't smiled for a couple weeks now. I get to go golfing tomorrow, and that will be a nice quiet walk, searching for my ball in the rough... My life has taken a fair share of major turns, or missed a fair share of major turns..., some good and some bad...and I had one of those last week, which was bad, and might possibly have another one here in the next couple weeks, which would be bad but in a different way. I have been unable to focus or think on anything for about two weeks now...it is bad enough that Amy noticed, and so did the cats. I think the cats told the dog. I keep taking the "floating leave" philosophy to life...and sometimes you have to make your own magic, but sometimes you don't know exactly what you have to do (or not do) to make something happen. The whole "floating leave" thing has pretty much made me sacrifice more of what I want in order to help others attain things they want...and I seek contentment, rather than seeking happiness. I have started to tap into that funk a little bit (and perhaps I should bottle it), because I find myself saying...."hey! fucktard, stop being a fucktard"...and they stop. Yes, there is some benefit to grabbing the bull by the horns. But then again, why would anyone want to grab the bull by the horns when they could avoid the bull altogether, and go have a nice margarita somewhere. Yes, grab the margarita by the glass! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 11th, 2009
5:19 pm	I seriously attempted to wake up this morning. This bouncing between shifts thing really isn't working out well for my sleep cycle. I tried to do a little bit of yard work...I feel like finishing up now, but I can't believe it is this late in the day... The wife apparently snoops through the cell bill online still and looks for strange or random numbers I call or that call me. So I feel all loved and trusted completely... all that relationship blah blah blah that people talk about is a sham...I swear, it doesn't exist. I think people can grow fond of each other, and grow accustomed to one another...but the older I get, the more I find that I don't believe in things such as: Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, love, nobility, selflessness, and .... tons of other stuff. Apparently I got an extra dose of sarcasm and the cynicals this morning...or this afternoon, depending on when I woke up, and which time zone you believe in... Current Music: Nightcore: Du Och Jag (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
11:38 am	My brother is so excited. His son...apparently is going to start crawling soon. This also excites me...because I love being an uncle. Amy called me last night while I was at work...and, the conversation wasn't as cheerful. I have been so optimistic about everything...I think, oh...there is always tomorrow. Sometimes I look backwards a little too much, and sometimes I look forwards a little too much...and then I found that I missed taking action today. But that optimism always makes me believe that there is something wonderful around the corner... I think the information finally sunk in last night...I've run out of time, I've run out of option...and there isn't anything I can do about it, which isn't entirely true...I probably could do something about it, but while Amy says I'm a huge asshole, I'm not heartless and cruel, contrary to popular belief. Perhaps I have known for some time...but reality really hit hard last night, and I'm still sleep walking through today. After I hung up the phone...I poured myself a cup of coffee that had been on the burner for several hours, sat at a desk in the corner, and attempted to do some work...but basically stared at a wall for three or four hours until the next shift came in. I didn't even notice the time go by... I sat there, stared at the wall, and the hours just drifted by (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 22nd, 2009
11:28 pm	News article said "more women are turning to porn and stripping during economic downturn"... um...yeah, at least they got that option. Ok, so I knew quite a few classmates in college who used stripping as a way to fund their college years. And I knew a couple others that used that option to provide for their child when the daddy ended up being a dead beat... and, I knew some that invested heavily in mutual funds, stocks, etc...so their money could work for them, and they could retire early. and then again, I knew some that lived a very fast lifestyle...and the only way to provide for their standard of living was to marry some millionaire or to strip. and...then there were the ones that enjoyed getting naked, and making men squirm. (Comment on this)